Love, Dream, Fear

Here are the questions of the hour:

• What do you love?

By that I mean what is it that gets you out of bed, keeps you out of bed, gets your heart pounding? What is it that would dare you to risk everything you have to see it happen. What do you think you could die for?

• What makes you dream?

This is similar to what you love, but it goes further. It doesn’t look at what you have now that you would die for, it is what you yearn to see happen. This is the love that you plan for. A man may love a woman, but until he marries her, she is that dream, or should be.

• What makes you sweat?

What are your fears? What is it that when you think about it, cold beads of sweat form on you back? It is the nagging, persistent doubt or terror

I love the challenge. I really have to have that sense of learning and doing something that is unique to me. My wife is an outlet for my challenge. It is because of her that I constantly want to do new things. She doesn’t realize it, but her joy of life and the newness she sees in it every day compels me to run the discovery and mastery of life beside her.

As for the dream… that is why I am out here now. My dreams have become industrial, domestic, automaton. I used to have the wildest dreams which made me say really strange things in my sleep… I don’t do that any more. I can’t, with great conviction, point to a dream and say, "THAT is what I want."

Fear… that’s easy: failure, rejection, and the eventuality that the whole world will find out that I am just faking it through life. Sometimes I feel like Indiana Jones when they asked him “What are you going to do now, Indie?” and he answered “I don’t know. I’m making this up as I go.” I am, as another friend says, “One click from disaster.”

Today I continue into a landscape I don’t know, setting out on a trip I don’t know that I can complete. I am just making this up as I go… but then, aren’t we all really?